Friday, 6th of October

I haven't been doing anything since I stepped in to the office for about 2 hours ago.

Web browsing, chatting and playing games were all I did.
Not forgetting to act like as though I am working. (pokerfacegamestrong)

Got bored of everything then I was contemplating to write a post or not.

Here I am typing this.

What do I have in mind to wrote about?!
I do want to write a post of:-
1. A new cafe we went.
2. New job.
3. What made me resigned from my previous employer.
4. How was the resignation.
5. My usual short updating or when I am bored posts. 

I have always said that I haven't been blogging properly.
Plain lazy, not wanting to look at the PC after work and all in all didn't find the time (passion) to write anymore.

My most active days was when I broke up with my first love, I was so torn then and the only way to relieve myself from sorrows was through blogging.
Through words, I expressed my emotions, sorrows and loneliness.

As years gone by, I grew over time.
I learnt to handle emotions better in the form of love (not well in many other ways, as life is always about learning)
Self discovery, healing and embracing; love happens / love falling apart etc.

Also over the years, I've graduated cause I think I was still in my uni days when I broke up.
Although on and off I did wrote posts.
I have also switched jobs since.
I am currently in my third job switch with both jobs previously were between 1.5 years to slightly over 2 years.
I am a working adult now, managing my own finances and working hard to acheieve dreams in life.

I am still single by the way, always hoping to meet my Mr. Right soon.
Not exactly looking or finding for one, just hope that this person will be in my life some day.

Let's wrap this post for now.
It's almost lunch hour.
Some colleagues went out as early as 11.30am for lunch.
Oh yes, the office is really quiet today. More quieter for me as my talkative neighbor is on MC.
I brought food and I'll lunch "in", hopefully no disturbance.


Edited to add my lunch for today (lunch alone), no one in the office.
Done eating, watching a documentary now.

No rice day!

At 4.30pm On A Wednesday - 7/06/17

On the month of Ramadhan (Muslims’ fasting month/Holy Month), my colleagues are able to leave office a hour earlier. This makes the office being very quiet after half past four. It’s been two weeks now whilst me too have been leaving on time after working hours. As for today, I am already off work since 3ish. Self declared for being very free. Basically no mood and seriously kinda free, as in not too hectic with reports and clearing some “shit”.

I am now basically waiting for the clock to touch off working hours and I am done. But…I am too hungry that I bought a Roti John to share with a colleague. That means I will not be able to leave on time. Hence, I will leave once I am done eating.

Then again, I am contemplating if I should hop to the mall to get a pair of slippers. My Crocs slippers that I’ve been wearing for more than a good two years are worn out. I am still wearing it in and out the house and while I drive but I felt embarrassed to wear it out when I meet people. And this weekend I have a family even to attend which I will be outstation over the long weekend. Definitely a pair of presentable slippers is needed out and about the hotel room as I will be heading to a small and cosy town with relatives.  

Let me decide once I am done eating. Hungry and cold now, can’t wait till half past five to get to the pantry to eat and chill since I am already feeling bored at my place. That when I am writing this post.

Thirteen minutes to go.

Till then… 

Oh, simply had a title for this post and noticed the date is 17/06/17. Nothing much... ^^

Almost time, in ten minutes... 

Edited: WHOPPPSSSSS..... it's not 17 but 7th of the month... Hahaha.. 

Dear SE Boss's Boss

Dear Boss’s BOSS,

I am not sure when will be the best time to meet you to raise my concerns to you as I am uncertain how should I approach you and when will it be convenient.

I am utterly helpless and speechless in this situation as a subordinate sitting under my boss’s team.

I am uncertain too if this is a personal attack towards my attitude at work which unlikely of as I still have respects towards a boss and an elderly, also I reduce my contact with her to avoid these undesired  treatments.

My concern is that if I have done any mistakes in my job task, I am open to being approached, scolded, advised and corrected.

Nonetheless, I am not able to being put words or mistake in my mouth for things I did not or have not done wrong.

Just like on Monday which was the company’s new logo unveiling, I came up to the office at 3.30pm but I was being angrily told off and questioned that why am I hanging around downstairs when everyone else was back in the office.

At that moment of time, not many people were back at their workstations. Then I was being questioned why did I eat downstairs even after I had lunch.

My boss wanted me to check on the LC of India project – Virgo and Erson that I checked soon after.

In this situation, I felt humiliated as though eating at a company event was wrong.

Next, was that WOMAN wanted to know and check on things which I excel in, instead she asked a more senior in age and year of service colleague. This colleague then needed to come and check with me. For goodness sake, such an unprofessional BOSS she is. Just a boss being Bossy but not a leader who leads the subordinate.  

Then, yesterday she told me to check on NAP’s Invoice for collection, I met Syams on this and I have also dropped an email subsequently. Later I have also explained to Kak Eej on the progress.

This morning, that WOMAN told Kak Eej angrily that “I told someone to go and check but that person did not check”.

Please be fair and true, I have done what I was told to. What her problem and Why must she talk in this manner?! What have I done wrong?!

Last but not least things that she wanted me to hear or be aware of, she spoke extremely LOUD and STERN. Such a kid's action, childish much. She thinks that I will ever assist to check or respond. Opps, no more! I have enough and sick of her behaviour. 

Best-est regards, 

Your Subordinate's SUBORDINATE. 

P/S : I felt so unappreciated at work and I do not feeling like coming to work anymore.

Random Write Up & Dear Netbook

How rarely do I write a blog post compared to ever since I started my blog, on a count from 1 to 10; probably only 1% of 1 that I did wrote blog posts over the past one year. I've missed writing and expressing myself through words. I've gotta admit that I wished I dedicate more time on this because I find peace in writing. But, my work had had kept me very much occupied over the past one year, Also, it was emotionally and mentally tiring to keep up with the office restructuring, project and people at work. 

Today's been a day I am squeezing the very bit of time to sit and write because 

1. I'm passing my BELOVED Netbook to my dad. 

2. Public holiday for the state I worked in. 

3. Staying at home doing nothing. 

4. Not playing my usual mobile games. 

5. Completed the drama series that I've been chasing to finish. 

Excuses much, Haha!! 

Oh well, indeed on my usual days over the weekends I will not want to switch on the computer again and hence, I do not blog. I don't really Facebook too even though there is an app. 

Let's reserve the excuses and get started as I can only spend a little time on this. 

Gotta pack and get ready for work tomorrow after a long break. 

Not just a long weekend break, I was on a long medical leave since end of November all till now that is mid of December. I'll reserve the details for my next post (hopefully) because I said I would like to share my experience on my fear of walking in and getting a minor procedure done all alone. The pain, the mental strength and the courage, I think I deserved a pat on the back. One week of MC plus the weekends and holidays hence, it was a long recovery period. Thank God. All is well now and I'm fit to be at werk (work) or else my boss will sack me.

Okay next, I mentioned that I'll be passing my Netbook to my dad?! >_< Yes, I am. He requested it to bring along if he needs to travel in order to enable him to continue his FB games. Gosh... Yeaps, my dad plays online games (like addicted). Mehhhh... 

Dear Netbook, 

Thank you for serving me well. You've are still functioning well though I can't expect much as you're just running on Atom unlike desktops and laptops. You have served me well throughout my Uni days with the many assignments to write up and also some study materials. Besides that, you've been a great partner during my Lasallian convention days as you're small and light to travel with despite your speed. But hey, I managed to get work done with you. Bravo, my beloved! 

My biggest fear when I did not have extra cash to get a laptop back in my uni days was when you fail me. While you behaved well whereby I only replaced the battery pack once. Back then, I was constantly worried that you will not be able to survive through my Final Year Project. Final semester on my final year with not much savings, I definitely could not afford to get something new. Thankfully, we pulled it through and I've graduated for 2 years plus now. 

Then, I used you very rarely once I started working and my current job provides me a laptop which means you have been set aside for awhile. Every time, I switch you on I'd worry that you'll not light up as it was once in a blue moon which I think your battery will be fully drained off. Always being thankful (lucky) you did not fail me. Love you!!! ^^

Oh ya.. Oh ya.. another thing I like about you is that you have a memory card reader for my camera's memory card. I seldom use it but I like it cause there is no need to hunt for an external card reader which I heard it can easily cause virus to the PC. 

Now, I've cleared up all my data and did a virus scan before passing it to my dad. I am sure he'd take good care of you. Please, be nice to him. 

I have owned you for 6 years and still counting. 

Thank you for walking through with me for the past years, during my uni and Lasallian days. 

I appreciated that I owned you because I wouldn't know how else would I be able to own a device for my studies. Those years were the days I needed a PC most for studies and my very active involvement in the Lasallian movement. 

A snapshot of my dearest before I cleared the data.

Thank you once again. 

With love, 

Your owner. 

P/S : Tomorrow will be my first day of work ever since my medical leave, I had a bad dream or somewhat nightmare this morning in my sleep. I dreamt that my boss changed my jobscope without notifying me which I will take it hard on myself. Worst was that there are mountains of invoices which are not under my custody/work nature was all stacked on my desk. Colleagues were complaining to my boss on the late payment and me being me I made a big fuss in the office saying that it was not supposed to be done by me moreover, I was on medical leave. Nightmare isn't it. Let's see tomorrow. 

Cheers xx

Rasa Kehidupan

Keletihan rasa masam,
Kesunyian rasa pahit,
Keperitan rasa pedas,
Kesedihan rasa masin...

Jikalau kita campurkan semua dengan baik, rasanya tentu sedap.

Begitu juga dengan kehidupan...

Kalau macam itu, apakah yang rasa manis?

Apabila memandang orang yang dicintai, rasanya manis.
Apabila memegang tangan orang yang dicintai, rasanya manis.
Apabila mendengar suara orang yang dicintai, rasanya manis.
Apabila berada di sisi orang yang dicintai, rasanya manis.
Apabila orang lain rasa iri hati terhadap kita dan pasangan, rasanya manis.
Apabila sesuatu perkara boleh dijadikan kenangan, rasanya manis.
Kejutan dalam kehidupan semuanya manis...

Perasaan dalam hidup berbagai-bagai rasa!

I Journal The Unhappiness

I sometimes wonder why do I write more about what that bothers me. 

I rarely share the occasions that makes me happy. 

It may looked like I live in the saddest in life. 

That I am a very negative person. 

Yea, I have to admit that I can be very negative.

But, I will not let it suck me up!

I do have many happy moments.

I know when I need to be positive. 

Yet, I choose to write most of the heartache stories. 

Journal-ing is  a way I express my unhappiness.  

I write my unhappiness as a form of releasing my emotions.

Despite having really close friends, I choose not to share with anyone.

I always kept what upsets me in my heart. 

Till, I learnt the art of writing it out. 

Enjoyment may not be the perfect word to fit why I'd prefer to journal unhappiness. 

But, the sense of relief I gain from it is what that will make me feel better.

Fourth of July Twenty Sixteen

Hello...

Stealing some work time right after lunch to write a few words.
Is not like I went lunch or I ate anything but I took a break from handling all the papers on my table to randomly browse the net and the brother texted.

Initially I'd thought I will just close my eyes to rest and to Blog since I haven't been writing for some time. I always wanted to try writing from my Mobile but I have yet to give it a try or figure out how to do so.

Option 1 :
Write using Note or Words and copy&paste via the Web Browser on my mobile.

Option 2 :
Download the App, I think I've seen it somewhere.

Let's get back to papers at work despite the quiet office's environment as it is Raya season and Boss is away for work.

Yippieeeee but not so fun....

P/S : I will try the mobile blogging so that I can always Blog. I miss writing as in the form of words I pen down to express my emotions rather than sharing to a listener.

I DO Want to be MARRIED, Mother!

Chinese New Year has gone by. Hence, we are called as another year older despite the month we are born. This is not as important for my topic today. What’s bothering me or the question I have often been asked was that if I have a boyfriend? With my age this year, though I am not where touching Thirty but I am not that young but never too old. This Chinese New Year, I have been asked by my parents and mum’s friends. I should say that I have been asked by them last year onwards.

Then, just over the weekend my mum and I was talking about boyfriend and marriage. I told her that I want someone in life. She then told me that it is alright to not get married. I said No way and I stared at her. I asked her why did she said that and I said who said I am fine not being married.

She said, unlike sister… When sister was younger, she always said she wants to be married. Fine, I said “Mum, I do want to be MARRIED”. Hmmmm…Mum said…like this you’ll sure to be married.

My closest friend would know that I always needed someone in life and I've always wanted to be married to the man I love and have a family with him. I still have that in mind no doubt I have failed relationships. I do not mean that I want be marry anyone or any time soon but I do want to be married.

Till the day I find the love of my life, I patiently wait and pray for my better half to be in my life and share a life journey together

I have met this person. I pray... 

Hello 2016!!!

Haven’t been posting much, countable posts for the past one year.

I've always thought of writing again but I couldn't push myself to do it with whatever reasons I may be procrastinating with. But, I have always enjoy writing because my blog has been a medium for me to express my feelings and most importantly some things that can’t be told or shared through telling my close buds.

I am taking the opportunity over lunch hour now write. Lately and usually I have been going out for lunches with colleagues. When I first joined this company in July 2015, I don’t eat lunch or I bring my own lunch box. Then, I came to know some colleagues, joined the clan and later I have a close colleague who I lunch with. This colleague is on half day today and I had Nasi Lemak at 10ish. Hence, skipping lunch, actually I still can fill my stomach if you were to ask me.

Work?!

It has been stressful and hectic. Sometimes, it is taking a toll on my emotions and motivations to continue working here. I left my previous job mostly because of the people and joined my new and current company. Currently getting along with my own colleagues but there are some quite difficult people all around. I guess that is pretty normal for all companies. That’s about people. Now, about the workload. Can I just skip this topic already? Yes, to not rant about it. Just yesterday that I was at the verge to breakdown. I sat and stared at the papers on my tables and my email, I didn't know where and how to start. I got so upset and I could just cry. I controlled my emotions.

Gossshhhhhhh… Guess what?!

My PC just shut down on its own a moment ago. Auto shut down it did.

Life?!

Life has been good apart from working till past 8pm on most of my days. Definitely there are ups and downs in life. Family, friends, self….overall not too bad. Oh hey, I am still alive. All that I am thankful for.

Relationship?!

Very much Single and Available. Currently hunting for a new prey and I most definitely hope that this should be “The ONE” or at least work together in the relation to achieve our lifetime together. Yes, I am ready to settle down if I am to have someone who thinks the same as me and whom I am willing to be with him for the rest of my life. In fact, my past loves are those that I did thought of being with them for the rest of our lives together, to grow old and till death do us apart. But, things didn’t work out the way I always dream of with them. Hence, moved on and hope that one day I will finally encounter this one special person whom we both will be as ONE.

A little bit more about the lovelife, I have been having this one person by my side but he is not exclusively my boyfriend. I have been very upset before, thought of doing whatever that could hurt myself just so that he will care for me and I also have tried a few times to leave him. All didn't work out including my love for him. I do love and care for him a lot and he is significant to me. But, I guess I have been tired over having this not-exclusively-mine relationship for the past five years. I have built my own courage, sufficient time I had for myself and last year, in 2015 that I finally decided to walk out of this. Which means I have walked out of his life. Walked out of a life that I myself was so into with this significant person I have for all these years. I missed him dearly. Nonetheless, I am not regretting and I did not regret spending my time with this person even though we are not exclusively together. Definitely I was sad then but I wasn't like how my previous attempts that I goes back to him. This time I succeeded, I do think of him sometimes and that’s when the missing him moments come by, feelings on this soon suppresses. I am glad. I am so glad, happy, relieved; you named it. Oh ya…my pals were telling me how proud they felt for me because I have finally walked out of it. Best compliment I think I gotten from this was “You looked much happier now”. Then, I puzzled…if I looked that unhappy last time. It’s alright, I am feeling goof, fine and happy now. Greatest achievement in 2015 was this. I am happy and proud! I called it an achievement in my life just yet because I have few attempts previously but didn't worked. 2015 it did. YAY!!! *pats on the back for myself*

Hmmmmm…. I’ll let this be a post for now. Add ons for 2015 shall be later perhaps. Time to start work again too. I would want to leave office early today. Till then.

Happy New Year!!!

Happy Twenty Sixteen!!!

  

A 28th October Post

It’s lunch break but I am so mood off to even eat. I just feel so tired, tired of everything. The workload, the colleagues and the people. I know that we should look beyond thigs that tarnish us but there are rebel moments that I do not know how to react to it or more often in times that I don’t know how to control my emotions on things. In one word, I think I am very S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D.!

 

I NEED A HUG!

 

If there is a person who comes by and give me a tight hug, I will probably cry in the person’s arms.

 

Music is blasting in my ears, I need to zone out.

I am writing this because I do not have anything in mind to do.

I would love to close my eyes to rest my soul, not the good thing to do in the office.

 

1 hour passes by so quickly, I have not recover my mood to focus on my work at all.

All I was is sleep.

And....all my colleagues asked my partner if I am all right be cause my face looked very very not all right, I looked Gloomy apparently.

I am Worried, Fear & Panic!

Alright, it is a PANIC attack at this moment. I need to talk to someone to calm down or some assurance and advice needed. Unfortunately, there isn’t anyone around to entertain me.  Toss a chill pill to myself and write. I need to express my feeling now.

I recently joined the new company. Adapting to the new environment is taking a toll on me as I feel lonely most of the time because I am of a newcomer who is different from the 98% of the rest. ALIENATED, I feel.  I can’t seem to join their clan because I am different, I can’t tell how different because it will create a havoc. In short, I am NEW and unique from the other 30-40 or so of them.  

So, there are about 30+ staffs under my boss in this division. On my second day of work, my boss herself brought me up to another department to introduce me to a head. Then, she told that I was the Lucky One because months before I joined, the hiring process was frozen; I got hired.

I slowly gathered some information that many of them here are on contract basis and a few are temp staffs. The one who taught me on my work told me that she came in as a contract staff too and converted to permanent staff later on. She then said that I am lucky to be a permanent staff once I came in to this company. Excuse me, I still need to serve my 6-months’ probation period like usual.

Ok, I am very sure that I am offered a permanent employment with this company as per my LOA. However, the greatest FEAR I am facing is that I DARE NOT EVEN SAY I AM A PERMANENT STAFF as I am a newbie. Not to mention I am the only one among the 30+ people, different not in a sense of employment status but *censored* sensitive issue so yea. My boss’s administrator asked me yesterday but I dare not disclose, she said she will call the HR. Well, she (they) will know sooner or later because she need to help me to apply certain things using my employment ID and status.

So, I am trying my best to keep my status a secret for now. The longest I could. I am worried that people will envy or whatever they want to feel about me. Not bothering what they can do to me or behind my back or worst if they backstab and pin-point me. Goshhhhh…I don’t want to imagine what may happen. I just want be cautious of jealousy and gossips among the women (and men) cause they are all the same. *pray* God, please watch over me, keep me from the negative thoughts/people/energy and bless me with good vibes. *pray*

P/S: Boss once again said I am lucky because there will be a next wave of retrenchment. She was alerted that contract and temp staffs will no longer be able to extend their contracts. She then told all of us to work hard, no slacking. She is devastated about the alert. I, on the other hand is dead worried about myself

PANIC ATTACK!!!

I am so new!

I am a permanent!

I am a different kind from the clan!

What will other think of me?

Will retrenchment hit me?

Am I able to work here for long?

PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!

July 16, 2015 / Raya Eve

So, I have not been blogging ever since. Because I do not have the chance anymore since the colleague next to me is back to work after her 3 weeks long of break to study for exams, she did CFA Level 1. Besides, I do not switch on my netbook at home especially after work. Maybe I should try using the Blogger App on my mobile. I’d try once with the mobile app but it didn’t sync with my Gmail that I use to manage my blog. It’s another Gmail that I have and I tried changing it but it didn’t work. Hence, I didn’t blog ever since. I use Dayre at times.

Why am I blogging now?! Yea, because I have no work at all, bored and free.

Yes, I am at work.

BUT…

I am at a new company already. Joined this company just yesterday. It’s the Raya celebration now and many people are on-leave. The office is really quiet. I am still hopeful that it will be half-day today as my previous employer is on half-day for main Gazetted Public Holidays. Why can’t the Government standardize it? LOL! #daydreaming

I heard khabar angin that we can balik awal [excuse me for my Bahasa Rojak aka Manglish (Malay + English)]. But, the Financial Controller asked his secretary to confirm with corporate. Now, check with Legal Department to standardize it but Legal has yet to decide the time to go back. I doubt there will be early release or half-day work today. If it’s given, it should be announced way before everyone goes on Raya break.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter much to me. Get to go off early then I will probably join my ex-colleague and ex-boss (I really miss her) for brunch or to meet the Lasallian Programme Director for a drink since he is like 10 mins away or to go home and bump around. Company should just let us go since the people do not have the mood to work already.

Latest update is that we can go back at 3pm. It’s already 12pm, no chance of leaving half-day already. I shall continue doing nothing, reading the company’s website and portal, texting people and writing the post. I brought food for lunch since I didn’t eat lunch yesterday as they were all fasting so no one brought me to explore the office building, even the cafeteria.

Oh Heyyyyyyyyyyy…the secretary just announced that we can go off at 2pm!!! Yay Yay!!!

June 03, 2015

I am slacking. Oh well, it is the last week that I can slack because the colleagues who is sitting next to me will be returning to work after a 3 week break. I will not be so free & easy then because she will be able to see what I am doing. Besides, my immediate superior is on-leave today. I am having the row roll of working desks all to myself. Nonetheless, didn’t I mention before that the CCTV is just above me?! Yeaps, it is and it captures what I have been doing all these while, I supposed. Oh well, even if it did and can see what I have been doing so what? Sac me and pay me. I am not in the mood to be in this place anymore.

It all comes back to how lucky am I to be offered a job elsewhere. I hope it will really be soon. *desperately hoping* Then, I will feel better and more hopeful of my future. May God bless me, thank you! Sincerely. If I am to resign soon, the more I couldn’t care less about the CCTV seeing what I am doing. Of course, I will still be cautious with the colleagues around because I can’t be too obvious that I am slacking. If ever they check the CCTV, I should be dead! *someone gonna get it real bad* LOL…

I have been playing basically for the day, feeling emo after I scroll through my gallery and saw pictures of my beloved. I got even more emotional. The feeling of missing and longing for the person. Dear Lovey, I really miss you. I hope that I don’t need to keep a distance from this person anymore. He is my pillar of strength, my tranquilizer, my clown, my listener, my soulmate and all of me for all these years. I wish I could tell him that. It is so tough to go through this tough time. It is breaking me. Then, my colleague called me to go for lunch. Goodness, keep me away from dwelling in emotions. Thank you.

#EGG Sandwich for lunch J

[loving the egg yolk]

P/S: Slacking by browsing the place that I did love to go on a Solo trip when I drop by to SG real soon.

June 02, 2015

I am rather relaxed this month around when I do the month-end closing.

I have finished my part and I am still waiting for my fellow colleagues from branches to submit the report to me. Needless to say, I have a report here waiting for me to do it and to be submitted to the Singapore office. I am reluctant to do it and I am still slacking it.

I have been texting my friends the whole morning while I did complete the closing I am supposed to do.

Then, it was about lunch time. I brought cream crackers spread with kaya was actually for breakfast but I didn’t have the mood to eat and I kept it for lunch. So, lunch was a cup of Nestum and the 6 slices of cream crackers. Too light for lunch obviously but I am not in the mood to go out for lunch neither did I prepare anything last night or this morning because I went home late hence, slept late and was reluctant to wake up this morning.

I went for dinner and movies with a close friend. I bought a relatively cheap handbag for work too. There are two colors for the bag I bought, I liked the red but bought the black. Black is classier, professional and appropriate for work. Red is obviously stunning, daring and eye-catchy. So tempted to get the red one but was worried of the comments gonna be “Wow RED?! for work?” or “Dinah loves RED” which I get it all the time because a lot of my things are in red coincidentally. Red has always been the eye-catcher color compared to black despite black looking classier. Nonetheless, to my aunties who often tell me to avoid choosing black because it’s dull. Black may sometimes make a person look like old too. Oh well, it’s just a bad to work and I do need to go to customers’ office and so, black is a safer choice.

The office is so cold, probably because I sat here through lunch when there were not many people in. Besides, I did not have proper food to heat the body. Maybe…  It is so chilly that I feel like snuggling under the comforter in bed. Ok, I got really sleepy and I went to the toilet. I took a good 5 seconds nap by sitting on the covered toilet seat and rest my head on my arm on the basin.

As I am pretending to do some work, well it is still my monthly task; my manager asked me to help her with some powerpoint, shapes and chart. I saw the renovation plan and the moving process will begin in August. Subsequently, the renovation will kick-off till December followed by moving back in to the renovated office in January. I am so reluctant to know about the moving process because there will be a lot of things to pack and move. We are all ladies in the department. I am not fond of it. I hope I will receive good news about job offers sooner that I hope for. Actually, I have been hoping for an offer since March. I am hoping high but I am worried at the same time that there will be no offer at all that I will have to stay here for another year. I will have a separate post on this soon.

I am to wrap up this post soon. Maybe at 4pm. I just can’t concentrate at work today. Reason being it was a dramatic start to the day with me not having enough sleep and feeling exhausted. Can I also skip the case and continue with wrapping up this post. It is a long story. Lesson today that is NEVER BE TOO CLOSE TO A COLLEAGUE & NEVER TELL A COLLEAGUE SO MUCH PERSONAL STUFF!!! I AM THREATEN AND I AM DEAD SCARED/WORRIED…for the whole morning, whole day…I am still thinking about it.

So cold… It’s down pouring… I can’t wait till 5pm… I am going home early! 

May 28, 2015

Can I blog at work??

Yes, I can.

I can’t seem to start my engine to work.

I can’t focus.

I woke up feeling emotional but I know I have to rush because I wanna cook lunch for work.

The alarm rang; I was awaken before that.

My mind started thinking why did I wake up so fast.

The thoughts of him, then I tried to just shut my mind i.e. sleep but I know I got no time left.

I chill a bit before rising from bed to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I continue chilling till the very last minute and I had to rush.

Dress up, Make up, get downstairs and start cooking.

Of course time is running out and I am dashing off to work.

The thoughts of him came to my mind again.

I’d want to text him again then block again.

After a while thinking, I told myself No texting him.

The thoughts came again when I am almost near the office.

Ok! I will ring him when I reach office.

Parked my car, got ready to get down of the car.

This is when I said “Alright, let’s give it a short ring.”

I have no intentions in talking to him at all but I just want to ring him.

I did it.

It rang a few times on my side, not sure about his.

Then, I hung up and dashed to the office.

Oh ya, I switched my phone to flight mode too.

So, that he can’t call back if he did.

I settled down at my workstation, I switched the mode back to normal.

Initially, I wanted to leave it on flight mode.

But, I am hoping for calls on job interviews.

I’d better leave my phone contactable.

In case I miss any great opportunities.

Ding Dong Ding Dong for half an hour, I am still not able to begin working.

Then, a colleague clocked in with a bad day for her.

She met in a car accident and her PC’s monitor was blinking.

So, I helped her to fix it. Listen to her rantings.

Now, I am at my workstation.

Just finished my breakfast which was oatmeal biscuits and a cup of yogurt.

Listening to stress relieve music as I feel I am not able focus.

The air-cond is directly blowing at my feet, feeling so cold.

My flu has yet to recover since last Monday.

Argh….anyhow I gotta get going….

Need to start my work now! 

May 27, 2015

Today I don’t feel like working at all. I am still torn and upset with the departure from my most loved one. I cannot stay by him because he is not available. I am his best friend but he is my lover. You see the difference. So after 5 years, here I am decided to leave him for our own good. But, not knowing I am suffering and torturing myself. Every time I think of him or anything to do with him, I tear. I miss him dearly and knowing that he is nowhere near me anymore, kill me. I want him to be in my life but I know it is not healthy.

I blocked him from texting me. It was since Sunday that we last met and then I still continued messaging him and getting replies till Monday. Then, I decided to block him which means I will not. However, I have been texting him every morning telling him how miserable and how much I cannot continue holding on without him. It is Day 3 today. I just re-read the messages I texted to him, emotions flushed in, tears are about to fill my eyes. I cannot cry because I am in the office and my colleagues should know what happen. They need not to know. To them, him and I are like a sweet loving couple but actually we are nothing more than just friends. Sadly.

Writing this using Microsoft Word and will be transferring it to the blog later. Partly it will not be so obvious that I am not working. Secondly, I there is no internet connection since morning and the IT is fixing it but it is a bit too long.

I was quite emotionally affected when I re-read the messages texted and when I started writing this. Luckily, the colleagues talked to me here and there to distract me. My emotions are pretty much toned down now. I can’t express how much I am affect by this person but I am in my worst condition and just acting tough. I can tear anytime.

I mentioned that is it Day 3 that I text him “emoly”, YES!

Then, I told myself let’s stop texting him. What’s the point of telling him on how I feel when I decided to leave for good. I read an article before that texting your Ex after a break up is a big NO NO. Let’s STOP it, I hope but I cannot control myself. He has been there for me for the last 5 years although we were not together exclusively. It is my own fault that I fell for him and allowed my heart to rule my mind. He is so significant to me, the dearest one these years that I will do anything for him.

People now said serve me right and I asked for it but there is no wrong in love. Yes, serves me right that I am suffering right now getting over him. Enough of my friends, not that they are not important to me, they are. I am the dumb kinda girl that love rules my life. KTANXBAI!   I hope that after this I will not have the urge to text him anymore. I am doing this because I know he cares and I want him to feel lost and miserable too. Which I know it will affect him. He is unlike my first love because that Ex was a playful type so love, relationship or friendship to him are not impactful. To him, all these will leave a scar to him and if I became worse than who I am and I hurt myself, he will get even more upset. I care about him and I love him so I don’t want him to be upset and disappointed with me.

Alright, I am going to wrap this up and start working. Internet connection got cut because payment was overlooked. Nonetheless, the server is still accessible. Hence, continue working I am or else I will need to stay back late to complete my work. It’s month-end closing. Toughen up and work efficiently. Work Work Work, emo or play later…  

Server is Still Down, boring...

So, the server is still down and I am taking the advantage to blog at my work station again. 

Sneakily....... *shhhhhhhh* 

Should I make a cup of coffee? 

I know I shouldn't because I am not well but I have been drinking milk tea for the past two days, Milo is a big No cause my body is very heaty (though this is not the right word but Chinese use it to describe). 

K, as I sit....I am not thinking of making a coffee but I still feel like getting a hot drink. 

>>>>>Got Distracted<<<<<

I was checking out Body Shop Online for the past few days since my aunt wanted to buy lipstick and she visited the store last week. I told her there is a discount if you buy it online. SO, I told her I will help her to get it since I bought online before. I have yet to do so for her because I was also considering to get a EDT for myself but I have spent quite a bit lately. After browsing the site for few days, I finally bought it and I face a problem with payment and my superior passed by my work station. Then, I told myself "arghhhh screw it, they didn't say no shopping online. Well, ya working time is to work but SERVER IS DOWN, how to work? Hehe..." Ok, check out and purchased. Now, waiting for delivery which will take about 5 working days.

>>>>>End of Distraction<<<<<

I am still not doing anything yet. Browsing here and there, pretending to be doing something since the system can't operate. What else can I do. Oh I did, clearing my unread emails. It was 400+ and not <350 data.="" p="">
I am gonna continue with the unread emails.

When Ransomware Attacked The Office

Blogging at my work station again. 

What can on person do when the server is infected by virus and the case isn't solved yet since a week ago? Me, I am pretending to be busy most of the day and I am now blogging. 

I have done my filling too quickly which was the 1st day of the virus attack and my colleagues and I even cleared the cupboards in order to have sufficient space to keep the 2015 documents. This was all done on last Tuesday. 

On the subsequent days, I complete the task that I can do manually/paperwork and what's not in a short while and then I am free all day long. I feel so bored and very frustrated because task that require me to do using the server is piling up. 

The first few days was worst as we are unable to access to the internet, check emails or to even switch on the PC. How frustrating is that. Thus, I am usually sitting at my place doing nothing and I don't really want to play with my phone because the CCTV is right above my head. Suck max!!! 

These days, I am sneakily surfing the Internet, playing my games via mobile because I couldn't care less and clear whatever that are pending on my hand. Or else what can I do. 

Actually, I can call customers to chase debt as it is my core task. BUT...how can I do so if the customer requires me to check the outstanding. Hence, I am not doing so since the server is down. 

By the way, the virus is called Ransomware and the IT consultant is trying their level best to fix the problem and US has had freeze the operation. It will not resume until the region is virus free. 

This Ransomware only encrypted the files in the Public folder. Thankfully, not personal folders and most of my data is in my personal folder. I'd backed-up the data in an external but worrying the external is infected to. Well, one did and it's cleared now. 

Oh well...that I how free I am sitting at my work station and it is tiring to pretend to be busy. *flip hair* Yes, boasting it because I am rarely this free at work. I am usually running here and there settling stuff in relation to debt collection. 

My colleague who sits opposite the CCTV just told me that she is kept surfing the Net and doing online shopping. How nice to be seated at her place. Don't need to surf sneakily. 

Nonetheless, I can't wait till the server resumes then I am able to catch up on work. 

That's about it for now, back to being an actress acting as a busy-bee... 

No Particular Topic

The TV is on, no particular shows that I am watching. Just a random Cantonese channel that my grandmother is watching occasionally because she is falling asleep as usual. 

Me feeling not quite bored but quite emo longing for someone and I have nothing to do. I am usually upstairs on the bed playing TeamLava games on the tablet but it is now charging and the games can be can accessed through my phone too but battery is flat. 

Hence, I decided to write something, nothing in particular.

I have always been thinking of writing/blogging but I am extremely not fond on switching on my super lag netbook. I did thought of buying a laptop but because I don't use it often. Then, this has delayed me from changing to a better computer. Another thing is that I am already spending so much time at work staring at the computer especially with numbers, I avoid tiring my eyes further in the night. Oh well, I gottta admit I still stares at my phone and tab. 

Another thing that I have been thinking of doing for the past few week is that I want to update my resume. I am definitely not going to brainstorm now, maybe tomorrow. I will definitely do it soon whether will I go for a job change or will I stay on with my current workplace and position. I will decided soon, perhaps after the Big B. 

Happy New Year 2015!!!

Hello!!! 

Happy New Year!!!

Happy 2015!!! 

Not a lengthy post, 

Just a few words greeting the brand new year as I am writing this post from office. 

Superior is out for lunch break while my senior i.e. just next door without divider is on MC. Hence, I get this chance!!! I'm waiting to go for lunch. 

I am not fond of going out due to the extreme hot weather but my other colleague is alone and I did not prepare anything for lunch. So yea... 

Alright, Bye for now... 

*lunch break*