Fourth of July Twenty Sixteen

Hello...

Stealing some work time right after lunch to write a few words.
Is not like I went lunch or I ate anything but I took a break from handling all the papers on my table to randomly browse the net and the brother texted.

Initially I'd thought I will just close my eyes to rest and to Blog since I haven't been writing for some time. I always wanted to try writing from my Mobile but I have yet to give it a try or figure out how to do so.

Option 1 :
Write using Note or Words and copy&paste via the Web Browser on my mobile.

Option 2 :
Download the App, I think I've seen it somewhere.

Let's get back to papers at work despite the quiet office's environment as it is Raya season and Boss is away for work.

Yippieeeee but not so fun....

P/S : I will try the mobile blogging so that I can always Blog. I miss writing as in the form of words I pen down to express my emotions rather than sharing to a listener.

I DO Want to be MARRIED, Mother!

Chinese New Year has gone by. Hence, we are called as another year older despite the month we are born. This is not as important for my topic today. What’s bothering me or the question I have often been asked was that if I have a boyfriend? With my age this year, though I am not where touching Thirty but I am not that young but never too old. This Chinese New Year, I have been asked by my parents and mum’s friends. I should say that I have been asked by them last year onwards.

Then, just over the weekend my mum and I was talking about boyfriend and marriage. I told her that I want someone in life. She then told me that it is alright to not get married. I said No way and I stared at her. I asked her why did she said that and I said who said I am fine not being married.

She said, unlike sister… When sister was younger, she always said she wants to be married. Fine, I said “Mum, I do want to be MARRIED”. Hmmmm…Mum said…like this you’ll sure to be married.

My closest friend would know that I always needed someone in life and I've always wanted to be married to the man I love and have a family with him. I still have that in mind no doubt I have failed relationships. I do not mean that I want be marry anyone or any time soon but I do want to be married.

Till the day I find the love of my life, I patiently wait and pray for my better half to be in my life and share a life journey together

I have met this person. I pray... 

Hello 2016!!!

Haven’t been posting much, countable posts for the past one year.

I've always thought of writing again but I couldn't push myself to do it with whatever reasons I may be procrastinating with. But, I have always enjoy writing because my blog has been a medium for me to express my feelings and most importantly some things that can’t be told or shared through telling my close buds.

I am taking the opportunity over lunch hour now write. Lately and usually I have been going out for lunches with colleagues. When I first joined this company in July 2015, I don’t eat lunch or I bring my own lunch box. Then, I came to know some colleagues, joined the clan and later I have a close colleague who I lunch with. This colleague is on half day today and I had Nasi Lemak at 10ish. Hence, skipping lunch, actually I still can fill my stomach if you were to ask me.

Work?!

It has been stressful and hectic. Sometimes, it is taking a toll on my emotions and motivations to continue working here. I left my previous job mostly because of the people and joined my new and current company. Currently getting along with my own colleagues but there are some quite difficult people all around. I guess that is pretty normal for all companies. That’s about people. Now, about the workload. Can I just skip this topic already? Yes, to not rant about it. Just yesterday that I was at the verge to breakdown. I sat and stared at the papers on my tables and my email, I didn't know where and how to start. I got so upset and I could just cry. I controlled my emotions.

Gossshhhhhhh… Guess what?!

My PC just shut down on its own a moment ago. Auto shut down it did.

Life?!

Life has been good apart from working till past 8pm on most of my days. Definitely there are ups and downs in life. Family, friends, self….overall not too bad. Oh hey, I am still alive. All that I am thankful for.

Relationship?!

Very much Single and Available. Currently hunting for a new prey and I most definitely hope that this should be “The ONE” or at least work together in the relation to achieve our lifetime together. Yes, I am ready to settle down if I am to have someone who thinks the same as me and whom I am willing to be with him for the rest of my life. In fact, my past loves are those that I did thought of being with them for the rest of our lives together, to grow old and till death do us apart. But, things didn’t work out the way I always dream of with them. Hence, moved on and hope that one day I will finally encounter this one special person whom we both will be as ONE.

A little bit more about the lovelife, I have been having this one person by my side but he is not exclusively my boyfriend. I have been very upset before, thought of doing whatever that could hurt myself just so that he will care for me and I also have tried a few times to leave him. All didn't work out including my love for him. I do love and care for him a lot and he is significant to me. But, I guess I have been tired over having this not-exclusively-mine relationship for the past five years. I have built my own courage, sufficient time I had for myself and last year, in 2015 that I finally decided to walk out of this. Which means I have walked out of his life. Walked out of a life that I myself was so into with this significant person I have for all these years. I missed him dearly. Nonetheless, I am not regretting and I did not regret spending my time with this person even though we are not exclusively together. Definitely I was sad then but I wasn't like how my previous attempts that I goes back to him. This time I succeeded, I do think of him sometimes and that’s when the missing him moments come by, feelings on this soon suppresses. I am glad. I am so glad, happy, relieved; you named it. Oh ya…my pals were telling me how proud they felt for me because I have finally walked out of it. Best compliment I think I gotten from this was “You looked much happier now”. Then, I puzzled…if I looked that unhappy last time. It’s alright, I am feeling goof, fine and happy now. Greatest achievement in 2015 was this. I am happy and proud! I called it an achievement in my life just yet because I have few attempts previously but didn't worked. 2015 it did. YAY!!! *pats on the back for myself*

Hmmmmm…. I’ll let this be a post for now. Add ons for 2015 shall be later perhaps. Time to start work again too. I would want to leave office early today. Till then.

Happy New Year!!!

Happy Twenty Sixteen!!!

  

A 28th October Post

It’s lunch break but I am so mood off to even eat. I just feel so tired, tired of everything. The workload, the colleagues and the people. I know that we should look beyond thigs that tarnish us but there are rebel moments that I do not know how to react to it or more often in times that I don’t know how to control my emotions on things. In one word, I think I am very S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D.!

 

I NEED A HUG!

 

If there is a person who comes by and give me a tight hug, I will probably cry in the person’s arms.

 

Music is blasting in my ears, I need to zone out.

I am writing this because I do not have anything in mind to do.

I would love to close my eyes to rest my soul, not the good thing to do in the office.

 

1 hour passes by so quickly, I have not recover my mood to focus on my work at all.

All I was is sleep.

And....all my colleagues asked my partner if I am all right be cause my face looked very very not all right, I looked Gloomy apparently.

I am Worried, Fear & Panic!

Alright, it is a PANIC attack at this moment. I need to talk to someone to calm down or some assurance and advice needed. Unfortunately, there isn’t anyone around to entertain me.  Toss a chill pill to myself and write. I need to express my feeling now.

I recently joined the new company. Adapting to the new environment is taking a toll on me as I feel lonely most of the time because I am of a newcomer who is different from the 98% of the rest. ALIENATED, I feel.  I can’t seem to join their clan because I am different, I can’t tell how different because it will create a havoc. In short, I am NEW and unique from the other 30-40 or so of them.  

So, there are about 30+ staffs under my boss in this division. On my second day of work, my boss herself brought me up to another department to introduce me to a head. Then, she told that I was the Lucky One because months before I joined, the hiring process was frozen; I got hired.

I slowly gathered some information that many of them here are on contract basis and a few are temp staffs. The one who taught me on my work told me that she came in as a contract staff too and converted to permanent staff later on. She then said that I am lucky to be a permanent staff once I came in to this company. Excuse me, I still need to serve my 6-months’ probation period like usual.

Ok, I am very sure that I am offered a permanent employment with this company as per my LOA. However, the greatest FEAR I am facing is that I DARE NOT EVEN SAY I AM A PERMANENT STAFF as I am a newbie. Not to mention I am the only one among the 30+ people, different not in a sense of employment status but *censored* sensitive issue so yea. My boss’s administrator asked me yesterday but I dare not disclose, she said she will call the HR. Well, she (they) will know sooner or later because she need to help me to apply certain things using my employment ID and status.

So, I am trying my best to keep my status a secret for now. The longest I could. I am worried that people will envy or whatever they want to feel about me. Not bothering what they can do to me or behind my back or worst if they backstab and pin-point me. Goshhhhh…I don’t want to imagine what may happen. I just want be cautious of jealousy and gossips among the women (and men) cause they are all the same. *pray* God, please watch over me, keep me from the negative thoughts/people/energy and bless me with good vibes. *pray*

P/S: Boss once again said I am lucky because there will be a next wave of retrenchment. She was alerted that contract and temp staffs will no longer be able to extend their contracts. She then told all of us to work hard, no slacking. She is devastated about the alert. I, on the other hand is dead worried about myself

PANIC ATTACK!!!

I am so new!

I am a permanent!

I am a different kind from the clan!

What will other think of me?

Will retrenchment hit me?

Am I able to work here for long?

PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!

July 16, 2015 / Raya Eve

So, I have not been blogging ever since. Because I do not have the chance anymore since the colleague next to me is back to work after her 3 weeks long of break to study for exams, she did CFA Level 1. Besides, I do not switch on my netbook at home especially after work. Maybe I should try using the Blogger App on my mobile. I’d try once with the mobile app but it didn’t sync with my Gmail that I use to manage my blog. It’s another Gmail that I have and I tried changing it but it didn’t work. Hence, I didn’t blog ever since. I use Dayre at times.

Why am I blogging now?! Yea, because I have no work at all, bored and free.

Yes, I am at work.

BUT…

I am at a new company already. Joined this company just yesterday. It’s the Raya celebration now and many people are on-leave. The office is really quiet. I am still hopeful that it will be half-day today as my previous employer is on half-day for main Gazetted Public Holidays. Why can’t the Government standardize it? LOL! #daydreaming

I heard khabar angin that we can balik awal [excuse me for my Bahasa Rojak aka Manglish (Malay + English)]. But, the Financial Controller asked his secretary to confirm with corporate. Now, check with Legal Department to standardize it but Legal has yet to decide the time to go back. I doubt there will be early release or half-day work today. If it’s given, it should be announced way before everyone goes on Raya break.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter much to me. Get to go off early then I will probably join my ex-colleague and ex-boss (I really miss her) for brunch or to meet the Lasallian Programme Director for a drink since he is like 10 mins away or to go home and bump around. Company should just let us go since the people do not have the mood to work already.

Latest update is that we can go back at 3pm. It’s already 12pm, no chance of leaving half-day already. I shall continue doing nothing, reading the company’s website and portal, texting people and writing the post. I brought food for lunch since I didn’t eat lunch yesterday as they were all fasting so no one brought me to explore the office building, even the cafeteria.

Oh Heyyyyyyyyyyy…the secretary just announced that we can go off at 2pm!!! Yay Yay!!!

June 03, 2015

I am slacking. Oh well, it is the last week that I can slack because the colleagues who is sitting next to me will be returning to work after a 3 week break. I will not be so free & easy then because she will be able to see what I am doing. Besides, my immediate superior is on-leave today. I am having the row roll of working desks all to myself. Nonetheless, didn’t I mention before that the CCTV is just above me?! Yeaps, it is and it captures what I have been doing all these while, I supposed. Oh well, even if it did and can see what I have been doing so what? Sac me and pay me. I am not in the mood to be in this place anymore.

It all comes back to how lucky am I to be offered a job elsewhere. I hope it will really be soon. *desperately hoping* Then, I will feel better and more hopeful of my future. May God bless me, thank you! Sincerely. If I am to resign soon, the more I couldn’t care less about the CCTV seeing what I am doing. Of course, I will still be cautious with the colleagues around because I can’t be too obvious that I am slacking. If ever they check the CCTV, I should be dead! *someone gonna get it real bad* LOL…

I have been playing basically for the day, feeling emo after I scroll through my gallery and saw pictures of my beloved. I got even more emotional. The feeling of missing and longing for the person. Dear Lovey, I really miss you. I hope that I don’t need to keep a distance from this person anymore. He is my pillar of strength, my tranquilizer, my clown, my listener, my soulmate and all of me for all these years. I wish I could tell him that. It is so tough to go through this tough time. It is breaking me. Then, my colleague called me to go for lunch. Goodness, keep me away from dwelling in emotions. Thank you.

#EGG Sandwich for lunch J

[loving the egg yolk]

P/S: Slacking by browsing the place that I did love to go on a Solo trip when I drop by to SG real soon.

June 02, 2015

I am rather relaxed this month around when I do the month-end closing.

I have finished my part and I am still waiting for my fellow colleagues from branches to submit the report to me. Needless to say, I have a report here waiting for me to do it and to be submitted to the Singapore office. I am reluctant to do it and I am still slacking it.

I have been texting my friends the whole morning while I did complete the closing I am supposed to do.

Then, it was about lunch time. I brought cream crackers spread with kaya was actually for breakfast but I didn’t have the mood to eat and I kept it for lunch. So, lunch was a cup of Nestum and the 6 slices of cream crackers. Too light for lunch obviously but I am not in the mood to go out for lunch neither did I prepare anything last night or this morning because I went home late hence, slept late and was reluctant to wake up this morning.

I went for dinner and movies with a close friend. I bought a relatively cheap handbag for work too. There are two colors for the bag I bought, I liked the red but bought the black. Black is classier, professional and appropriate for work. Red is obviously stunning, daring and eye-catchy. So tempted to get the red one but was worried of the comments gonna be “Wow RED?! for work?” or “Dinah loves RED” which I get it all the time because a lot of my things are in red coincidentally. Red has always been the eye-catcher color compared to black despite black looking classier. Nonetheless, to my aunties who often tell me to avoid choosing black because it’s dull. Black may sometimes make a person look like old too. Oh well, it’s just a bad to work and I do need to go to customers’ office and so, black is a safer choice.

The office is so cold, probably because I sat here through lunch when there were not many people in. Besides, I did not have proper food to heat the body. Maybe…  It is so chilly that I feel like snuggling under the comforter in bed. Ok, I got really sleepy and I went to the toilet. I took a good 5 seconds nap by sitting on the covered toilet seat and rest my head on my arm on the basin.

As I am pretending to do some work, well it is still my monthly task; my manager asked me to help her with some powerpoint, shapes and chart. I saw the renovation plan and the moving process will begin in August. Subsequently, the renovation will kick-off till December followed by moving back in to the renovated office in January. I am so reluctant to know about the moving process because there will be a lot of things to pack and move. We are all ladies in the department. I am not fond of it. I hope I will receive good news about job offers sooner that I hope for. Actually, I have been hoping for an offer since March. I am hoping high but I am worried at the same time that there will be no offer at all that I will have to stay here for another year. I will have a separate post on this soon.

I am to wrap up this post soon. Maybe at 4pm. I just can’t concentrate at work today. Reason being it was a dramatic start to the day with me not having enough sleep and feeling exhausted. Can I also skip the case and continue with wrapping up this post. It is a long story. Lesson today that is NEVER BE TOO CLOSE TO A COLLEAGUE & NEVER TELL A COLLEAGUE SO MUCH PERSONAL STUFF!!! I AM THREATEN AND I AM DEAD SCARED/WORRIED…for the whole morning, whole day…I am still thinking about it.

So cold… It’s down pouring… I can’t wait till 5pm… I am going home early!