Immoral Sign Language

Hey you,

It's up to me where I wanna sit during lectures.

So what if I always sit in front,

Is there a problem with that?

Do not show me that sign!

I know what is means now...

For the second time you showed me,

I pretended I didn't see it.

The next time you do it,

I will tell you off!!!

Beware and it's not nice to show that sign language...

I dislike it...

Don't annoy me!

Grrrrr................

June, 25th  2010

a quarter of the year since  

&

half a year since


...

Just when CLeo appeared

Saw CLeo* in uni today.

A sort of good friend or more than acquaintance of his.

CLeo was the first person I officially met as his gf last time.

So for sure CLeo knows that we are no longer together.

Anyway, I was always worried how will I react when I see CLeo since the very first day I broke up.

To smile and talk or turn around and walk away.

I even prepare myself to act happy if I am to bump into him.

Well, CLeo didn't appear when I am well prepared.

He popped in front my eyes just when I am not prepared plus I was extremely emo today.

The day came and I smiled.

A very friendly smile and we talked for awhile.

Sharon (my classmate) even mistaken that he is one of my close Lasallian friend from the way we talked.

I never expected myself to talk to him.

Oh..yet I did it.

A 'pat' on the back for myself, I guess I need.

Just before we proceed to our own destination, he spreaded his arms to hug me.

Obviously, I hugged him.

If not, it will be so awakward, don't you think so?

(it's a totally normal friend's hug and nothing beyond that)

Oh wow..I am so happy of myself.

I never expected that I'll react this way.

I feel great talking to him.

Just like a normal friend.

His hug was warm and encouraging.

Opps, I don't know how to describe.
(please, I am not into CLeo)

Btw, we didn't talked more than three sentences when we hang out last time and we didn't hugged when I was together with that fellow.

Imagine why...

Wondering how did today just happened?

How did I reacted?

Somehow, somewhat I went through who I least expected to meet and hug.

CLeo will be in my account of friends now NOT through that fellow's account but solely mine. 

We are Uni friends.

What kept me thinking was what will he tell that fellow?

Will he ever mention to that fellow and how will he describe me now?

Oh, I guess I shouldn't bother as long as I am happy.

Hmmm..according to Sharon, I successfully jumped over the hurdle that I long hoping not to happen yet I did a good job.

Sharon was observing me by the side, so I asked her if I looked fake.

Nope, I didn't.

I looked so cheerful and sounded happy. (yay)

Oh wow...even more happier.

I wish and hope that I am back and ready for the reality from now on. 

One thing kept Sharon on a doubt was why CLeo hugged me.

Well, maybe it's the (yellow fruit) culture.

What you think?


You rocked C.Leo* =D

  *not his real name

That ONE SENTENCE You said made me begin 

to HATE You!

It's nothing relating me, glad but yea how can he ever be so boastful

I


FEEL LIKE SEEING 


HIM SO BADLY

>_<

the more I see your fb page

the more I feel that the girl is your latest girl

how sad can that be

sighs

=(

Who are you Missing?

You're missing someone?

I wonder who will that be.

Am I the one you're missing?

I hope it's me!!!

~dreamt of you again~

p/s: the bestie told me that he posted on msn pm that he misses someone 

SURREAL

1. The bestie is back in KL
2. She is meeting him
3. She chatted with him just
4. I am curious what they talked about
5. I want to know how is he doing and to meet him
6. I feel he's got a girlfriend
7. I care about him
8. I miss him a lil
9. I am fed up too
10. I must move on

aaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh....

Beautiful Sunday

Sunday Sunday Sunday...!

It's a day to wake up late and being lazy enjoying being covered by the comforter. Ah.. what a wonderful day. Nope, that wasn't my Sunday morning for today. I needed to wake up early yet I was lazying in bed. Thus, resulting being late for Dim Sum with km, ym and oc. Opps.. Sorry ladies =) I was being punished to eat the Char Siew Pau! Oooo am I the always punctual one to be there first? Yes, it is according to km. I guess not in the morning or I have changed because I dislike waiting alone for people to take ages to come. Now, I'll be the later one instead. Things changed and people changed. I am not the punctual one as I used to be. Partly because I need more time to look more presentable. This sounds better. 

A movie after Dim Sum. Killers by Katherine Heigl and Aston Hutcher. Oh my gosh, I think I fell in love with him. This is my second time watching the movie and I still enjoyed. The story line wasn't too bad, Aston is enough to dosed me into the movie. *winks* Before that, we were all discussing where to go for a movie. So I suggested Spark @ Desa Petaling. Yup, the mall was very near us and barely packed with people in the cinema compared to Pyramid or MV. Headed to the mal, quickly grabbed tickets and zoomed into the cineplex. Movie started and the screen went dark after 20 minutes of the show. Oh it was a kissing scene so we thought they censored the scene. Nope, it was just some complications and the kiss was still there. It was okay and we continued enjoying the movie. Till almost ending of the movie, something happened again and this time it took much longer. When we are all anxious during the gun shots and fights, the screen went dark. Nothing happened till the end and not to forget there were only six person in the cineplex. Aiya, pai seh la. Brought the ladies to a lousy theater.  

Bah Chang season is coming soon. Mummy bought so many for granny and aunties. For me also of course, but I am very choosy. I will only eat a certain filling in the bah chang. A side from that, chat with mom and dad for a while and the topic of relationship came up. A relatives daughter just got married few days ago. The bride was twenty six of age and the groom was only twenty. He is even younger than me and he got married. Well, no choice I guess, not too sure who being the pervert one and they are expecting a little one soon. No precaution taken and No safe game played. Careless and pleasuring more fun whereby they dated for six months and she is expecting four months now. It's their matter though, good for the baby. May the couple have the best time together till death do them apart. 

Then came my story that why I don't have a significant other. In mummy's eye, I was still single all this while. I didn't meant to lie to them that I had someone before but was just not the right time to tell. I will definitely tell my family when I feel that it is the right time and when I feel it is more stable. I wasn't given a chance to even experience longer with that someone. Sighs... I miss him and I was only thinking of him when my mom talked about the topic. How I wish I have someone that love me for who I am. Abundance love needed. I told mom that if the guy is not good enough, what's the point of having him. What I think is that mom is worried that I will not find someone to marry or a companion in life. Guess what?! I am worried too that I will never have someone who loves me. I am more worried for myself than anyone is. I want to live life with a person I love and have mutual feelings. Sighs...oh Prince Charming, when will you be by my side. I am missing love in me now. Sobs sobs...

Happy Birthday Hub!!! My couzzie's birthday. My aunt bought a cake for him and we sang the oldies for him. I had been craving for cakes finally get to eat some. Wow... an extremely huge slice of Strawberry Cake from Secret Recipe. Yummy, more than yummy. That's all I had and no dinner for me. Once again, Happy Birthday Mr. Thirteen June. Happy Sweet Sixteen. Be a good boy!!!

That's all for this Sunday. 

I am worried if I will have a significant someone.

Beautiful Sunday?

No, I don't think it is but it wasn't a bad one.

Just didn't feel nice of my worry.

At this time, 

I still dream,

I still hope,

I still wish!

~toddles~

My INSTINCT tells me that

He has A Girlfriend

Heart Break 

T_T

I felt a lil sad at first but not anymore

I think I am Numb already

GF GF GF GF GF

Is my instinct right?

Should I believe what I feel?

*sighs*

The bestie is home

The bestie is finally coming back for a break. She will be leaving Aussie and landing here today. I miss her so much. Finally, I can see the real her after so long. I have so much to tell her and I know that she too have stories to tell me. She knows from A to Z about my past. Though she was far away, we do keep each other updated. She calls me as and when she needs a listener and vise versa. I am gonna to you a big hug, Rosalyn. Be ready when we meet up =D

She is also a good friend of his. Just last night when she called to have a short chat before she leaves Adelaide, she told me that he talked to her few week ago. They have not been talking to each other ever since he was with me till now that we parted separate ways. It wasn't she the one who don't talk but it as him. I wonder why. Is there something wrong when a good friend's bestie that you couple up with? Hmmm...it's okay since he left. Well, I am glad that he talked to my bestie again. Anyways, the conversation was nothing relating me. Kind of sad but what to do. He had entirely over me. That's all I can say and it's saddening.

Alright, now that they talked. I am sure they are gonna meet up. She even told me that she will meet up with him. I jokingly told her that can I come along. CAN I ASK HER TO BRING ME WHEN THEY MEET??? SHOULD I SEE HIM AGAIN??? I do wish to see him once again so very much badly. I miss him so much. However, I know that he'll never want to see me again. Prolly, we will only see and talk in the next life. Sighs... ='(

Just a single glance of you will be good. But I need more than that. I miss you.

Love Rehab

You CHARMED Me

I am so attracted to you

I am so addicted to you

I am very much drugged by you

I have diabetics due to your sweetness

I need you so much

I always think of you

I miss you terribly

My love for you is never ending

Your love was never enough

Now, nothing is left

Only a broken heart

Being emotional at all times

Tonnes of tears shed

Depression

Negativity rules my world

I want you so badly

I need to be send to the rehab

Any Love Rehab in town

The feelings are not gone

DYING

My past is haunting me

I can't seem to forget

Or is it me that don't want to let go

Everything keeps running in my mind

Everytime I thought of you, I feel like crying

Memories are too sweet to be erased

Heartbreak is too painful to go through 

My heart aches

I can't keep loving you

Because you do not feel the same for me

I think of you most of the time

When I sleep, I dream of you

I wonder if I ever cross you mind

But I doubt it

I have not forgotten you

All I know that you've already forgotten me

I want to meet you again but I can't

I will never let go if I ever see you again

I love you

I miss you

I need you

I want you

Together we create a journey of our own

That's a wish that will never come true

I dream, I wish, I hope

=(

What a Moody day

Not a good day after all

Very moody through the whole day

Since I woke up

The first person who talked to me was my aunt

Sorry aunt, I answered bluntly

Didn't wanna talk till I am in Uni was still the same

Not wanting to talk to friends

Felt irritated at times

Keeping quiet

The mood was just not there today

So guessed it's good to concentrate in class since I wasn't into talking

Getting some care from some friends moved me to tears

I highly appreciated their care

Thank you so much though I didn't give any good responses

Sometimes, I just needed my time alone

Apologies on that.

Moody all day long

As usual, drove home after Uni

Feeling very emotional and I cried

I promised myself that I will not cry while driving

Especially raining

Dangerous and Scary

But I just did it today

I can't hold my tears so I let myself to cry aloud in the car

It was raining heavily, massive traffic congestion and me crying

Sighs...

Many many hugs needed T_T

That Slutt

Sat under the shower tearing not knowing why.

Being emotional after a good sharing session with Ade.

Self reflection on my past. Sighs...

Is late, tired and I thought of tucking in to bed slightly earlier.

Rolling left and right but I can't seem to fall asleep.

Online with my phone, browsing the net and Facebooking.

Stalked him because I missed him.

Here come the story of that SLUTT.

What a Capital B you are.

You made me dislike you to the max, capital B.

Relationship status from engaged to it's complicated.

Now I know that the chats you had with him were roughly on your relationships.

Hey Slutt, just like to mess around. 

Be happy and contented with your own.

Instead of going around, partying and kissing guys randomly. 

Gone, he is gone.

Is he going to be with her?

I wouldn't know.

All I know is I am so sad.

Facing the reality that I don't wish to. 

This is another night I will cry myself to sleep.

Goodnight )':

T_T

His intimate picture

I was still upset after I saw you the other day

Missing you so much

Thinking of you every time

Wishing, Hoping and Dreaming

I can't seem to let go

Then, I saw your latest profile picture just

Intimately with a so called model, very slutty one

You were posing like you're trying to kiss her

She posed like showing a kiss to the camera

Slutt who has a boyfriend

When I saw the picture

It was like as though acid poured on a wounded skin

My heart feels bad

I was about to tear at that moment

I immediately close the page

I feel sad till now but I didn't cry

Is pain but I guess I have to not care

I do not have a choice

I am tearing inside

I am crying in me

I am feeling as bad as I have no words to describe

I am sad

I am sad

I am sad

People often say, A picture speaks A thousand words


This is the time I don't wish it means anything


Jealousy, Hatred, Love, Miss or what?

*sighs*

I know how bad I feel and I know is bad for me mentally

I am so very sad no matter what =(

hope to smile

cried two days ago

:'(

sad the day before



=(

sad yesterday

):

sad today

|:

SMILE tomorrow and every day ahead

=)

:)

(:

=D


Don't worry, Be happy

His friend, The friend

It's a day that I may see someone

It's his friend

The friend that got him into all this media blogger crap

No offense

Don't want to see you

Don't like to see you

The friend reminds me of him

Pray for me that I will not see that friend or HIM any time

Stay away from my life

Buzz off

As I was facebook-ing

Every friend's page I go

I see your little profile picture by the side

I tried my very best to not click on it

I've already been thinking of you the whole day

I'd even have the urge to give you a buzz

Yet, I didn't allow myself to because I don't want an unwanted answer

How could I not wanting to see your profile

At last, I went to your profile

I stared at your picture

My heart beat increases

I read your status posts, friends' posts and comments

The feeling of wanting to be beside you knocked me down

Not knowing how to describe my feelings

I think I need you now

I wonder if I do come across your mind at any time

It happens to me all the time

I miss you once again

I miss you so much

T_T


:'(

you you you

thinking of you the whole day

wondering | wishing | wanting

if you are still with me

missing you

just because i saw you yesterday

every moment i close my eyes i see you 

it was so hard to forget you once again

thinking if i really want to forget you

is so hard to control myself

i miss you 

Just when we saw each other

The first day of a brand new month

A bad day to be in the mall

or

It's just God's command to check how am I

A surprise

 or

A disappointment

My unwanted moment

An unbelievable yet true situation

Saw him equipped with all his photog gadgets

He was going up the escalator

Looking at me on his way up

I was on the opposite site going down

Looking at my phone

I didn't realized till I looked to the other side

Someone who looks familiar then I looked again

It was him

Not a greet of Hi nor a simple smile from him

He immediately turned his head straight

I wondered why

I was just looking down

I assumed I looked just fine

We passed each other

He still looked the same

The thin him with his black jacket

Hair much longer

I took a second glance as I was down

He was still on the way up

I was then very emotional

I continue walking in the mall

Wishing I will not bump into him again

Being sad and was about to cry

I told myself not to because I was with eyeliners

I don't want that messy look

Off to a shop to get something 

The more costly, the better I feel

I shop to kill my sorrows

But it didn't helped

Just a reason to buy things perhaps

Anyway, I don't regret buying them

I felt very sad

I felt like crying out loud

But I didn't yet I choose to sleep it off

Not feeling any better now

Tears kept rolling down my cheeks

The feeling is killing me silently

I used to be walking beside him

Now, opposite him

I dislike the loneliness

I wished I am still beside him

Reflecting upon our past

We used to be walking side by side

Interlocking fingers between the spaces in the hands

Hugging tightly enjoying every moment

Like a fairy tale

I have a feeling of missing him

If I am given a wish

I'll just wish that he will be mine forever

If only I could be with him now

I will not feel unloved, unwanted and unhappy

I feel so lonely

All I want is

Us going through every moment in life together

I always have a naive thinking that

He will come back to me one day

How I wish that will really happen

I often foresee us being happily married

Forever till death do us apart

How silly can I be

If you love me, I'll love you

If you were mine, I'll be yours

If you stand beside me, I'll stand beside you

='(