Tunes of My Heart

I had a Bad Romance in the past




Sometimes, I feel that I Need You Now




It's all because Your Love Is My Drug

A romance that was sweet turned bitter affecting me to need you even after you left because I am drugged by you causing an addiction to love.

~ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ~

Sunday Diary

Dear Diary,

Woke up at 9.30, the first thing my aunt asked was Why so early? =_=''

No, I have been waking up around this time the whole week.

Alright, woke up feeling a lil crappy because I dreamt of a person I don't wish too.

For both days' my sleep was disturbed with dreams of the same person, guess I don't need to mention who.

Had a cup of milk and a slice of bread for breakfast.

Waiting to go shopping with my aunties.

Then, another aunt called asking what we wanna eat.

Char Kuey Teoy for Petaling Street - yummy.

Was suppose to go shopping but ended up staying at home.

Why? Emo because I was reflecting on my dreams.

Yes, I remembered my dreams with that person. Annoying :s

Thus, started blogging.

No lunch for today, the Char Kuey Teoy is counted as one, I guess.

At around four something, made chinese french toast plus a kaya banana toast.

Grandma, aunt, cousin and I enjoyed tea time. The toasts was good *thumbs up for myself* =D

Continued writing about my journey in my first semester.

Boring...sitting down doing nothing. Argh...relaxing minus the emoing.

Ooooo...time for dinner with mummy, daddy, and the married couple.

Shabu shabu at Bandar Puteri.

At first, I felt annoyed when I heard Bandar Puteri. I had memories at that area.

Anyway, I had a great time eating. whee...

After dinner, went to IOI Mall. Gosh, a place where I always go last time. Sigh...

But' it's okay. It didn't bother me much because I told myself not to relate my current life with my memories.

I should learn to put aside the memories with that person. I  should learn to enjoy life without him too.

Smile more.

Did some shopping, daddy paid *woot woots*

Headed back home.

That's all for today.

Overall, it was a not too bad Sunday.

Will have more great days ahead, not being affected by the past. =)

Till then.

New schooling day tomorrow.

Time for bed.

xoxo

The Journey of First Sem

I started my uni life in a brand new year of 2010. Started uni in January after a year long break from education. I did enjoyed my past one year without books but work to gain some experience. A little anxious to start studying again, worrying that I have lost interest in studies.

Now back to business. Semester One was from January till April with a month of sem break in May. Uni life was fun after all, skipped some classes, slept some lectures, made new friends and the list goes on. It was fun in uni. Subjects wise were all fine except for ITC where I didn't do well and MGT that I give less interest.  I love accouting though.

I have to say that I didn't really do well in my studies for the first sem. At first, I spent too  much time for some trap and after the change happened, I thought I could concentrate in my studies since there will be no more distraction. But, hell no. I couldn't study at all. Worst was it was going to be my finals. I tried my best to study. When ever I study silently, my mind seem to be some where else. Thinking of some crap stuff and some crap jerk. Yes, crap! I ended up crying while studying then I chuck the books aside and distract myself from thinking crap.

Finals arrived. Went into the exam hall with merely 80% of what I was supposed to study. Freaking scary and was worried I might just hand in a blank question paper for all four subjects. Gosh...God Blessed. Luckily, I managed to answer some and wrote some unrelated stuff. Screwing up the whole examination. My bad, I know but I myself can't help. Under severe condition of emoness and depression a went trough it. All in all, I will not regret but I'd did learnt a lesson, a life experience.

Then followed by sem break after finals. At first, I was thinking only a month break wasn't enough. As time goes by when I was really free, I disliked holidays because I had some much time thinking of someone that who is not worth my thoughts. I had a camp and a conference that kept me busy. That weren't able to keep me not thinking for long. I was upset some times and needed accompany from friends. Then again, how much can friends be around you. Done, over and I did spent some time with my friends. I was much better towards the end of my break. The best thing when I was upset, my bestie called. It was always nice and felt beter after talking to her. She knows it all from A to Z. Thank you, bestie. I love you. I miss you.

Time flies and it's the last day of sem break. Which means I am starting my second sem in less than 24 hours. Oh new sem, in that case the results should be out. Nope, results are yet to be released. Guess what, it's tomorrow. Gosh...now I am worried if I pass all my subjects. I am not expecting any high grades because I know that I didn't do well. I am just hoping for a passed for all my papers. Just that will do. I learnt a lesson and I am going to do well in my studies. I knwo there is a no point for allowing that affecting my studies. Love can't guarantee my future; Education can guarantee a bright future.

Besides, I need to choose the subjects for the new sem. Thus, I have a desicion to make by tomorrow. However, I do am not certain on which subject to choose. I planned to take up four subjects again with one law paper and three calculation subjects *sounds scary*. Business Math seems interesting but is it important and needed? I ain't sure. I have yet to register, still pondering if it's the right choice.

I can't believe that I am saying this but yes, I can't wait to start classes again. Break was fun yet boring. Prolly, I did not spend it wisely or it could be all the crap. Minus all that, I had a great rest. Classes shall be more fun from all the coming semesters. Forgetting the past of first sem, awaiting the brand new sem and more to come. Hoping that I will pass my exams, choosing the right subjects and doing well in my studies. Anticipating for all the happenings from now on. 

The end.

News Feed : Hid

Latest updates : photos

- 2nd Hennessy Artistry 2010  @ Zouk KL -

Studied his face for the final time

Buried it into my heart :'(

Clicked on the *hide* button

Hide that person

Mission Accomplished

yay ^^

Not gonna see any

updates about that person anymore

Is the first few hours

I hope I can control myself

Have faith in me

Give me the courage

Be obedient to maintain strong

Carry on to make an effort to move on

Be happy as deserved

Smile =D

Tu Me Manques

I never wanna say it but I miss you suddenly

I miss all the times we had together

A big part of my time in the first quarter of 2010 was with you

You once loved me deeply madly affecting me to open my heart just for you

Soon when I go crazy about you the uncertainty occured 

You hurt me melancholically leaving scars in my heart unheal till now

Not knowing when I will fully move on

I know how much I miss you

However

I have a whole loads of reasons

I shouldn't miss you anymore

Just a sudden strike of the past

Came across my mind and soul

I miss you

Soon

I will not miss you

~Tu Me Manques~

News Feed

Guess what...

I haven't hide yet.

Last night,

I told myself that I will

by the next update.

Yet, I haven't do it!

Yup, there was some updates;

I saw

new friends added,

profile picture changed,

But

No status update.

Anyway, the main thing is

I should just hide it.

Said is easier than done!!!

I have no heart to do so.

However,

I know I have to

and

I will make myself to do it.

Is not one day

because that one day will not arrive.

Is

Now or Never!!!

By the next update,

no matter what just do it.

Do it and I will be better *maybe*

I may move on faster,

will I ?

I dislike you but I still think of you

I am feeling bored. In mixture of feelings, loneliness and emotional. Somehow, I feel like blogging but I didn't want to write anything that relates him anymore. I know I should stop writing about him because it will not help me to forget him. I hope this will be the last one. However, I will not promise that.

I don't know how to describe my feeling towards him now. I dislike him and I still think of him at the same time. Do I still miss him? I hope not.

I wouldn't want to know what is going on around him and his life. Eventually, I'd just click on it. Gosh, how can I stop myself from doing that.

I know the best way is to remove him from my friends list on FB. Then, there will be a total cut off from him. I am heavy-hearted to do so. FB  is my only resource that I know how is he. Argh...

I know, I said I should stop knowing things about him and I am also stubborn to remove him from FB. Goodness, I wish I didn't have to choose.

I have another reason why I didn't want to do the latter is because it will be awkward if I were to add him again in future. No one knows what is going to happen in future. Well, I hope we can be friends. Looking at the situation now, it will not happen. Oh dear...

Guess I have a wiser option. That is to hide him on my News Feed in FB. I think I will prolly do that in order to not be emo anymore. Apparently, I did it few times but I deactivated it immediately because I still want to see it. Yes, I see and I am trying not to "stalk" him.

Hide, not to hide. Hide, not to hide. Hide, not to hide. Hide, no to Hide.

I think and guess is best to hide. Is going to be tough the first day of doing so because the anxious to know will be there. As time goes by, I will forget him entirely by doing so, I wish.

So, let's do it...

It's now or Never!!!

sobs sobs  ="(

Goodbye, once my dear baby.

No matter what, I know you exist and I do think of you.

I wish God will arrange you and I to be together that we have no choice but to be lovers.

A difficult decision.

A hard option.

A very emotional situation.

A feeling that kills.

A moment to shed some tears.

A sad Goodbye.

God Bless

Anger for what you did

I can't believe my eyes when I saw it. I didn't wanna believe it at all. I scrolled up and down for four times to make it clear if I did miss out your name. I didn't see your name on the list of friends who have added me on the chat list. You've deleted me. I always thought that you'd just blocked me. No, you deleted me from your chat list. Believe it or not, it is freaking true. Apparently, there are no differences of blocking and deleting me because both ways will show you as offline. It's the same actually. No matter what, you cut off all connections, wth. I feel one kind that you did that. Till that extend, oh Dear God. 

I am so extremely angry, that my anger can sacrifices one's life. Stab stab stab, dice dice dice, chop chop chop, blend blend blend, kill kill kill - Throw into the sea to feed sharks. Dead & Gone. Worry not, I am not that unconscious to KILL. It's only a way to perform my anger, verbally. 

I am seriously very angry so I told my friend about it. I wasn't upset for what you did. Only anger. I asked my friend why did you do that. She thinks because he feels guilty and regretting for treating me like crap. He knows what he is missing. Wow...it's nice to hear but I wouldn't believe that you will regret. Knowing you well, your egoness suffocates. Probably you will only regret when the final moment of your life arrives, when flashes of life before death appears in the air, till then you will realize you had missed. Well, I will never know but true enough, I don't want to know. All I know is I worth more and let you be worthless. 

I am wondering why I am so angry. Does it matters me? I asked myself. Actually, no. I am angry because I am thinking why did you ever do that? How can you be so mean and evil? What I did that I deserve being treated like that? For all I know, I did nothing. When I was with you, I treated you like my dearest baby on earth, cared for you so terribly much and do whatever that makes you happy. I certainly don't deserve it. Oh gosh, now I begin to have hatred towards you. But, I will not hate you because as what I always hear; you hate someone because you still love him. Therefore, I will not hate you. No matter what you did in the past, present and gonna do in future, I will not hate you. I will only DISLIKE YOU. I dislike you to the max, let's dislike you to the infinity and Beyond. 

At this moment, I'd dislike you much. I will not deny that I may still be emo about you in the future. However, that will not be a reason for me not moving on. I will move on and not need you one day because I deserve someone better that loves me and treat me well like a human. From now on, I know you're gone forever. You will not be my friend. It's not because I don't want to but you are the one who ain't wanna keep the friendship. You are treating me like as though I am vanished into thin air. I will forgive you. Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. 

Chill pills are not enough, I need an elixir to forget.