Semester 3 of 2012

A month past of semester break had officially ended. The new semester commenced only few days but I feel exhausted as I am attending few classes to try out which subject that I want to take for this semester. Is is a short semester this year-end with many public holidays. Definitely going to a hectic semester but considering the best subject for myself. 

Besides, uni-mates too creating a hassle as they too deciding what subjects to be taken and every one says something different about the subject regarding which is easier, which is not. Some are followers when one person plans the schedule and the other follows. I do have friends like that. 

Hence, every time when there is a break between classes, we discuss. Till I have no time to eat. Just like today I only had a cereal bar for the day till I reach home at five in the evening. I was so bogged up with the mess of which subject for this semester. I was really hungry since I woke up at 6am and planned to have breakfast but didn't make it. 

Is this semester gonna suck me up like last semester? 

I hope not. Because last semester's stress begun in the second week. *phew* Done! 

As far as I need to concentrate on my studies, I want to enjoy the journey of uni life too. 

Till then, print some notes and off to bed. 

P/S: I should be seeing him for dinner tomorrow. I hope that it's really happening and I can't wait to see him. 

He is out since dinner today, I don't know who he went out with but most probably the gf. I may sound jealous but as usual I am waiting for his texts and Goodnight HUGS! 

*woots* Speaking of the devil, he just texted me. 

I'm (We're) Upset Over Meeting Up and Ranks in Life

I'm upset,

You're upset,

We're both upset. 

It is getting so tensed up. Can we not discuss the topic anymore? 

Because you're sounding like you're angry rather than you're upset. 

I don't want to cry. 

I don't want to to cry myself to sleep tonight. 

I don't want to cry because of you. 

It hurts more than any other things.

Because when I cry,

I tend to have negative thoughts about you and I. 

I get tired,

I get angry,

I get upset, 

It makes me feel so down when bad things happen between us. 

I wonder how do you feel at times. 

But, today I know I made you upset as well. 

What actually happened? 

It started off with me telling him that I am unhappy about him. The case was, I bought a voucher to diner at some restaurant which he wanted to go as well. I told him about it more or less about a month but he had yet to find the time to go with me. Why am I pressuring him it's because there is a due date to this voucher which is by the end of November. Only a few day left and I know many people bought this voucher too, and it's a first come first serve basis so I am not sure if we'll get a chance when we walk-in. So, I really wanna go early and he knows it. 

He is working from Mondays to Saturdays, so basically only Sundays that he is free and he has got many people to meet. On week nights, I rarely have a chance to meet him because he has dinner plans except with me. I may sound jealous but I am really wanting to meet him all the time. So, it's a Sunday today. I really did hope that we could use the voucher today as I know it is very hard to catch him on weekdays and only four days left before it ends. 

I placed hope, it crashed because he was out with his brother whole day then needed rest. I am all right with that. But, what sadden me was the feeling if he is keen on meeting me. I always doubt on that matter because he meets every other people except me. Also, it's me who's the one who always calls him wanting to meet him. I get tired when I held hope to meet him and in the end all I get was reasons of other plans. 

I asked him if he is keen on going for the meal, if he is not then don't hesitate to tell me. But, he didn't give me an answer to that question. Skipped that. Then, I told him what my aunt said to me. "If a guy don't want to meet you, he will give many reasons just to avoid you". The thought of it hit my heart, it hurts when I think that if he don't want to meet me. He asked me in return "Why wouldn't I want to meet you"? I can't answer that because I was already upset, but coming to think of it now he do actually want to meet me badly at times. 

I further told him that I felt like I am nobody to him and he is often forced to meet me. I was upset. His replies begun to be a lil different so I asked if he is angry but no, he is upset too. He is upset that he want to meet ME, brother, the gf and friends but, I do not have much time. Saw that, my name comes before her. Anyway, that's not the point. I replied saying that I'm speechless and I don't know what to do as well. I lose to all on the list so I'll just shut up, I said. 

The tense begins! He prompt me these questions.

Why? 

Why are you ranking? 

Why do you give yourself ranking and others as well?

Does it really matter? 

My emotions fall deep under, I feel so upset at the point of crying. I don't know why did I ranked. Perhaps, it really matters to me. As I knew him only for the past one year as compared to others, so of course the rest are more important to him. 

He sounded more angry. Insisting that he don't rank. Maybe an exception that is Family above all. I am all fine with that because who doesn't put family first. I am sad, I do ranked myself lower compared to the rest, I was truthful. He still don't get why do I have to rank. Me too, I myself don't know too and I apologized because I felt that way. Again he asked if it is important.

I don't know. I seriously don't know but it feels that way. I think it is because I am so attached to you. "Attached" may not be the right word but I did want to tell him so that he knows I am very much attached to him. 

He then went to bed and seriously not knowing why do it really matter to me. Something for us to ponder on, I supposed. But, often enough he don't think about it. And when we meet up, we seemed like a very happy, loving couple actually we are not in a relationship. 

No "HUGS" at the end of the day for me! 

Sigh... 

I asked for it? 

Add ons: To me, there is an exception to placing family first then it will be my loved one. As in putting my boyfriend after family. But, to him this is not the case. He once told me that he place career, friends and many more before the girlfriend. I want to be the one he place after his family. Obviously I want to be the one rank the first to him. I want to be him most important person in his life. I admit, he is very important to me and I cannot deny that I am very attached to him. Sigh... 

Twenty First of November

Just a random post on a Wednesday night. 

All because I am bored. 

Nonetheless, I find the date cute.

21-11-12

All the 1(s) are between the two 2(s).

[ 2 1 11 1 2 ]

So random, So SILLY Me. 

I am so bored, always waiting for him to text me.

Not an emo day, YAY!

A very FULL-Filling day because I ate a lot.

Dinner was Fruit Rojak and had DURIANS awhile later. 

Was quite bloated, thank goodness there is Green Tea helping me to feel better.  

Owh, Durians was "Musang King"!

RM50 for 2.

Yes, read it right. Only TWO Durians. 

First one was bad, not nice. Tasteless.  

Second and Last tasted good but more durian-ish will be awesome. 

Erm, I still have a huge bowl of Sea-Coconut and Longan dessert in the fridge. 

My favourite, mum boiled. Thank you!

But, I think I will keep it for tomorrow. 

Feeling quite POSITIVE. 

Good Mood! 

My current Cover Photo on FB - 21.11.12

Note to SELF - Confidence 

Alright, got to go. Mum and Dad are sleeping.

I will have the TV all mine! 

I am waiting for you, B.  

I MISS YOU. 

P/s: Just before I "Publish" this, he texted me! *smiles*

What A Long Tiring Day!

3 minutes to the end of a long tiring day! 

Wow.. I got a shocked as the fireworks blasted. 

It's Deepavali tomorrow, the festival of lights for the Indians. 

Happy celebrating but can people please warn me before blasting the fireworks? 

I'm sitting alone with the TV on at home.

I was so shocked by the loud blast and it wasn't even 12 am yet. 

12.11.12

Long tiring day begun at 7.30 am this morning with rushing to meet my friend who came back from Korea but going back to Kuching. Met her for breakfast, we wanted to have Banana Leaf rice for breakie. I know it was kinda early for that but we were craving for Malaysian food. Didn't managed to fulfill our craving because it was too early, so we had Roti Canai instead. Girls and chit-chatting never failed to do so. Then, we went for Mille Crepe, just a quick one and I dropped her off at the LRT station worrying that she will be late. Phew, plan went well that she didn't missed any of her transportation back home. She bought me a souvenir from Korea, an eye brow pencil which I wanted. I went shopping for that with her before she left to Korea. Thanks a bunch for being so thoughtful! *hugs* Owh, plus Pepero too. 

Whole morning spending time with her was awesome because she came over for 18 days and travelled 3 countries yet she managed to slot in some time to meet up with me after about two years! Later, was grandmother's appointment to the neurologist for the CT Scan report. Haha,I took a nap before than and went to the hospital at 1.45pm. Waited for registration, met the doctor, payment and medicine prescription till 4 pm! GOODNESS, it took so long. Gah...no choice. As usual me being annoyed with grandmother as I need to speak very loud to her as she has hearing problems but it's very loud and everyone could hea, I dislike because it seemed like I am very rude. Sorry! 

Rested awhileat Grandmother + Aunties' place, my usual comfort zone. Left home to head back home to parents at 5 pm but I only reach at 7 plus because my car tyre punctured along the highway. I was so scared as I was alone along the highway, surprisingly I was calm enough to make calls for help. Waited again for help. Called the brother and thank god he almost off work by then. It started raining and got heavier. A passer by and a highway personnel stopped to offer help but I dare not scroll down the window because everyone seemed scary to me that moment. I called the AAM for help and the agreed to send a mechanic within 45 minutes to an hour. But, they called later to cancel it because they said they will take a long time. GRRR, I got mad. I am sure to remove the AAM logo on my car!!! Brother came and called the highway personnel, waited again. finally they came but it was too dangerous to change my tyre as many cars and the rain was quite heavy. He called for help from his colleagues but colleagues with a truck and some cones to ease the fast moving traffic. Bravo, got it done. 

Came back to my area tog et the punctured tyre fixed but found out nothing could be done as the tyre was torn, can't patch it back. So, new tyre which cost a sum. Also found out my other two tyres are about time too. Tomorrow, I'll need to get new ones which will cost a dough. Gosh... Money matters every where. SIGH! T_T

Finally home for dinner, mother cooked delicious dinner as always mum's cook is always the best. Yummy!!! Till now, I was slacking and just bathe. 

I called it a day. 

A long tiring day came to an end...

Why MIA?

Missing? 

Not updating my blog?

Yea, indeed because I weren't in the mood at all. 

Not in the mood to write. 

Because I don't want to recall what happened. 

Him and I

We

T_T

I had an emotional breakdown! 

Of course it was relating him!

Not gonna elaborate more.

Maybe one day. I will story it. 

We are back to normal now. 

We talk like we used to. 

Him - The who made me cry is also the person who makes things right. The person who makes me feel good all the time, the one who makes me happy. The tranquilizer, the sugar, the CLOWN! The significant one at this point of time in my life.