May 28, 2015

Can I blog at work??

Yes, I can.

I can’t seem to start my engine to work.

I can’t focus.

I woke up feeling emotional but I know I have to rush because I wanna cook lunch for work.

The alarm rang; I was awaken before that.

My mind started thinking why did I wake up so fast.

The thoughts of him, then I tried to just shut my mind i.e. sleep but I know I got no time left.

I chill a bit before rising from bed to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I continue chilling till the very last minute and I had to rush.

Dress up, Make up, get downstairs and start cooking.

Of course time is running out and I am dashing off to work.

The thoughts of him came to my mind again.

I’d want to text him again then block again.

After a while thinking, I told myself No texting him.

The thoughts came again when I am almost near the office.

Ok! I will ring him when I reach office.

Parked my car, got ready to get down of the car.

This is when I said “Alright, let’s give it a short ring.”

I have no intentions in talking to him at all but I just want to ring him.

I did it.

It rang a few times on my side, not sure about his.

Then, I hung up and dashed to the office.

Oh ya, I switched my phone to flight mode too.

So, that he can’t call back if he did.

I settled down at my workstation, I switched the mode back to normal.

Initially, I wanted to leave it on flight mode.

But, I am hoping for calls on job interviews.

I’d better leave my phone contactable.

In case I miss any great opportunities.

Ding Dong Ding Dong for half an hour, I am still not able to begin working.

Then, a colleague clocked in with a bad day for her.

She met in a car accident and her PC’s monitor was blinking.

So, I helped her to fix it. Listen to her rantings.

Now, I am at my workstation.

Just finished my breakfast which was oatmeal biscuits and a cup of yogurt.

Listening to stress relieve music as I feel I am not able focus.

The air-cond is directly blowing at my feet, feeling so cold.

My flu has yet to recover since last Monday.

Argh….anyhow I gotta get going….

Need to start my work now! 

May 27, 2015

Today I don’t feel like working at all. I am still torn and upset with the departure from my most loved one. I cannot stay by him because he is not available. I am his best friend but he is my lover. You see the difference. So after 5 years, here I am decided to leave him for our own good. But, not knowing I am suffering and torturing myself. Every time I think of him or anything to do with him, I tear. I miss him dearly and knowing that he is nowhere near me anymore, kill me. I want him to be in my life but I know it is not healthy.

I blocked him from texting me. It was since Sunday that we last met and then I still continued messaging him and getting replies till Monday. Then, I decided to block him which means I will not. However, I have been texting him every morning telling him how miserable and how much I cannot continue holding on without him. It is Day 3 today. I just re-read the messages I texted to him, emotions flushed in, tears are about to fill my eyes. I cannot cry because I am in the office and my colleagues should know what happen. They need not to know. To them, him and I are like a sweet loving couple but actually we are nothing more than just friends. Sadly.

Writing this using Microsoft Word and will be transferring it to the blog later. Partly it will not be so obvious that I am not working. Secondly, I there is no internet connection since morning and the IT is fixing it but it is a bit too long.

I was quite emotionally affected when I re-read the messages texted and when I started writing this. Luckily, the colleagues talked to me here and there to distract me. My emotions are pretty much toned down now. I can’t express how much I am affect by this person but I am in my worst condition and just acting tough. I can tear anytime.

I mentioned that is it Day 3 that I text him “emoly”, YES!

Then, I told myself let’s stop texting him. What’s the point of telling him on how I feel when I decided to leave for good. I read an article before that texting your Ex after a break up is a big NO NO. Let’s STOP it, I hope but I cannot control myself. He has been there for me for the last 5 years although we were not together exclusively. It is my own fault that I fell for him and allowed my heart to rule my mind. He is so significant to me, the dearest one these years that I will do anything for him.

People now said serve me right and I asked for it but there is no wrong in love. Yes, serves me right that I am suffering right now getting over him. Enough of my friends, not that they are not important to me, they are. I am the dumb kinda girl that love rules my life. KTANXBAI!   I hope that after this I will not have the urge to text him anymore. I am doing this because I know he cares and I want him to feel lost and miserable too. Which I know it will affect him. He is unlike my first love because that Ex was a playful type so love, relationship or friendship to him are not impactful. To him, all these will leave a scar to him and if I became worse than who I am and I hurt myself, he will get even more upset. I care about him and I love him so I don’t want him to be upset and disappointed with me.

Alright, I am going to wrap this up and start working. Internet connection got cut because payment was overlooked. Nonetheless, the server is still accessible. Hence, continue working I am or else I will need to stay back late to complete my work. It’s month-end closing. Toughen up and work efficiently. Work Work Work, emo or play later…  

Server is Still Down, boring...

So, the server is still down and I am taking the advantage to blog at my work station again. 

Sneakily....... *shhhhhhhh* 

Should I make a cup of coffee? 

I know I shouldn't because I am not well but I have been drinking milk tea for the past two days, Milo is a big No cause my body is very heaty (though this is not the right word but Chinese use it to describe). 

K, as I sit....I am not thinking of making a coffee but I still feel like getting a hot drink. 

>>>>>Got Distracted<<<<<

I was checking out Body Shop Online for the past few days since my aunt wanted to buy lipstick and she visited the store last week. I told her there is a discount if you buy it online. SO, I told her I will help her to get it since I bought online before. I have yet to do so for her because I was also considering to get a EDT for myself but I have spent quite a bit lately. After browsing the site for few days, I finally bought it and I face a problem with payment and my superior passed by my work station. Then, I told myself "arghhhh screw it, they didn't say no shopping online. Well, ya working time is to work but SERVER IS DOWN, how to work? Hehe..." Ok, check out and purchased. Now, waiting for delivery which will take about 5 working days.

>>>>>End of Distraction<<<<<

I am still not doing anything yet. Browsing here and there, pretending to be doing something since the system can't operate. What else can I do. Oh I did, clearing my unread emails. It was 400+ and not <350 data.="" p="">
I am gonna continue with the unread emails.

When Ransomware Attacked The Office

Blogging at my work station again. 

What can on person do when the server is infected by virus and the case isn't solved yet since a week ago? Me, I am pretending to be busy most of the day and I am now blogging. 

I have done my filling too quickly which was the 1st day of the virus attack and my colleagues and I even cleared the cupboards in order to have sufficient space to keep the 2015 documents. This was all done on last Tuesday. 

On the subsequent days, I complete the task that I can do manually/paperwork and what's not in a short while and then I am free all day long. I feel so bored and very frustrated because task that require me to do using the server is piling up. 

The first few days was worst as we are unable to access to the internet, check emails or to even switch on the PC. How frustrating is that. Thus, I am usually sitting at my place doing nothing and I don't really want to play with my phone because the CCTV is right above my head. Suck max!!! 

These days, I am sneakily surfing the Internet, playing my games via mobile because I couldn't care less and clear whatever that are pending on my hand. Or else what can I do. 

Actually, I can call customers to chase debt as it is my core task. BUT...how can I do so if the customer requires me to check the outstanding. Hence, I am not doing so since the server is down. 

By the way, the virus is called Ransomware and the IT consultant is trying their level best to fix the problem and US has had freeze the operation. It will not resume until the region is virus free. 

This Ransomware only encrypted the files in the Public folder. Thankfully, not personal folders and most of my data is in my personal folder. I'd backed-up the data in an external but worrying the external is infected to. Well, one did and it's cleared now. 

Oh well...that I how free I am sitting at my work station and it is tiring to pretend to be busy. *flip hair* Yes, boasting it because I am rarely this free at work. I am usually running here and there settling stuff in relation to debt collection. 

My colleague who sits opposite the CCTV just told me that she is kept surfing the Net and doing online shopping. How nice to be seated at her place. Don't need to surf sneakily. 

Nonetheless, I can't wait till the server resumes then I am able to catch up on work. 

That's about it for now, back to being an actress acting as a busy-bee...