Moody Sunday Afternoon

I feel like crying all of a sudden. I have been very emo the past few days and I do not know why. I realise that I have changed. I use to be the noisy jolly gal with smiles on me most of the time unless I am seriously pissed. Nowadays, I became rather quiet. I realise how quiet I can be. I dislike talking when I don't feel like it. Or sometimes, when someone talks, I feel so irritated. I can want to sit there staring motionlessly and my mind flew away, far away hoping that I will be with him. Omg...What is wrong with me? Sigh...I wish things like this didn't happened and I am still the old me. I do not hate him for doing so and for once he came into my life. But I hate myself for still missing, thinking and needing him. I hate myself for still shedding tears because of him. I hate myself for not able to move on as quickly as I want. Argh... *tears can't seem to stop rolling down my cheeks*

How I wish that someone can give me what I want. All I want is just him. I need him. I miss him all the time. Give me him and I will be happy, I will not be down and I will not cry at least for sometime. I want him!!! Somehow I can't forget him after all we've been through, not a lot but at least there were something. The sound of missing him seems so loud. Do you now how much I want him? I really miss him... But, all I know that this will not happen. I know that I can't have him. People who know me will never give him to me because they love me and they will not want me to suffer. Some people said that they don't see the old me. They do not see the cheerful me. I still smile and laugh but deep inside, I am crying and dying. I ask them if they know where had the me that they use to know went. I myself too don't know where I went. I want to search and bring back the cheerful me back to reality. Bear with me and be patience as I will be back.

I know that I am very weak. I know people are laughing at me that how weak I am. I don't bother. I am a human and I have feelings. It's a relationship is not just a game. So how can I not be disturbed by it. If you ain't helping me or not cheering me up, stay away and don't act that you care for me.  Laugh all you want!!! But one day I will be able to be better because all I know that he is not the one. He is not oh yea Mr. Right, perfect man that I want. His egoness suffocates me till I can't breathe. Maybe God wants me to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when I finally meet the right person, I will be grateful for that gift. That applies to you too, Mr. Not Right...enjoy playing, fooling and breaking hearts now; but yea, one day you will know!!!

All the times we've been through. The laughter we shared. The hard time you had and I was there for you. Me too being there as a good listener. The times where you comfort me when you made me cry. The craziness we've did. The fun we had. The patience for each other. The love that ruled the world. The happiness from our smiles. How contented we were. You opened my heart and dared me to love. You made me feel that love will change everything and love rocks. All that the happy and sweet memories that I remembered and keep in a special place in my heart. It's all for me to cherish from the past and learn for the future. The bad times we had and the way you hurt me, I've not kept and I choose not to remember. Once again, I wish you are here with me. I wish that we could create more happiness together. I know that I couldn't leave without you. It's going to hurt when it heals too but it will be better in time. I miss you much.