PY was here

I had a short chat with PY today. It was a drive back from the tree planting program. Out of no where the topic came up and she asked "How are you?" Obviously, I answered "I am fine". Then she said she heard something about me and him. I said ya we are no longer together and I am not over it yet. In other words, I am not well as I looked. I smile but I am dying inside even now when I am writing this post.  I've been very emotional the past few days. So when she start the topic, I brokedown. Kind of embarassing but yea it's just PY. She is my senior and probably she asked me at the wrong time. I rarely share my feelings on this topic unless I am close to that person but so happen I was down and PY talk to me about it. As I was sharing, she tell me stuff that her relationship do have problems too. Hers do have ups and downs but the bf and her are mature enough to solve things unlike mine last time, he avoid things. How immature, huh? I know it have no turning back, I do not deserve to be treated the way he did, he ignored me and he is not worth. Yet I still miss him so terribly much and I need him till I am tearing so badly inside. I am deeply hurt. I told her that. I mean I didn't bad mouth him but just a touch of him cutting my calls last time. I do not wish to bad mouth him as it does no benefits me. After hearing all that, she said...deep down inside, you know that he is not the one! I replied...Yes, he is not the one but I still miss him now. She then said it's definitely hard to get over it. Take your time. But someone else told me that I am taking too long. So I presummed that I am taking too long too until PY asked me how long since I broke up, I answered a month. Wow, she paused a while...Oh my it's just a month, you definitely need more time. Take your time, she kept on repeating it. I was already weeping. Argh...hate myself that I still weeps when I talk about it. Then, I compared my relationship with another person's seven months long distance relationship. It's very much different that to just chat via msn or phone rather than seeing each other everyday. Him and I definitely developed deeper feelings because we meet everyday. PY said mine is very much deeper and real relationship as compared. Which means, I'm having a tougher time to heal. Am I really taking too long to get over it, she said No. But, there are people who said that and there was also someone who want me to get over it in two weeks. I can't possibly do that, I didn't do that. I am a failure??? I have no idea. I am just no strong enough  I guess. I am too emotional. A part from that, I told her that I wanna get away from the Lasallians and certainly the task given. Being away from everyone I knew like the Lasallians, friends, collegemates and even my family. However, I did not give up on the Lasallians because they were the ones helping me through and giving me hope that I am able to carry one. I was given a chance to facilitate one of the sessions for regionals, I was nervous but I still wanting to try. Then things happened and I really wanted to just leave but I hang on to the responsibility given and I am glad I didn't give it up. Anotther thing was I went back to LSC and I had a terribly tough time surviving through that weekend. It reminds me too much of him. Never knowing she too had that problem that she dislike going to some places because the Mr. BF is not there anymore. She understood how bad it was. Most of the time I sit alone and start stoning that led to being emo because I am thinking of him. When I keep quiet, I am thinking of him and my mind and soul flew away loittering in the air hoping that he will come back. PY's advise: take it as an experience so that you will be open to future relationships. You miss him now but one day you will be alright. Take your time to get over him, move on slowly and you'll be fine. Forget the bad times and cherish the memories. Deep down inside, you know he is not the one and you know what to do. I have faith in you and I know you can do it. A hug from her was comforting. Thank you very much PY.

Broken hearts will always heal but will never fully repaired ='(